The Top 10 "South Park" Episodes, Ranked
Don't you see? I learned something today...
In its nearly 28 years on the air, South Park has produced some of the most crude, shocking, and most effective satire out there. Its creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, have referred to themselves as “equal opportunity offenders,” shitting on anyone in power, and showing no mercy.
South Park’s success in spite of its controversy has been thoroughly examined, but its detractors argue that the show’s “everyone sucks” attitude may have raised a generation of libertarian trolls and apathetic nihilists. I personally think this is giving Parker and Stone a tad too much credit.
NOTE: The brilliant feature film, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (1999) does not count as an “episode” and will not be discussed here. But it truly IS the magnum opus of this brilliant animated franchise.
Honorable Mentions:
ALL ABOUT MORMONS (Season 7)
WITH APOLOGIES TO JESSE JACKSON (Season 11)
MEDICINAL FRIED CHICKEN (Season 14)
GROUNDED VINDALOOP (Season 18)
SAFE SPACE (Season 19)
THE TOP 10:
10. TWO DAYS BEFORE THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW (Season 9)
The boys accidentally crash a boat into a nearby dam, inadvertently flooding a town and setting off an ecological disaster. They evade responsibility when a scientist claims that global warming was to blame, and the town is whipped up into a frenzy. Any episode with mass hysteria is automatically a winning South Park episode, but specifically parodying silly disaster films such as The Day After Tomorrow truly warms the heart by a few degrees.
9. MY FUTURE SELF ‘N ME (Season 6)
“It was fake in the future too!”
A 32 year-old man appears in South Park claiming to be Stan from the future, and Stan must come to terms with the fact that his future self is an unemployed junkie. Stan suspects that the “future self” thing is a hoax put on by his parents to discourage him from using marijuana, and seeks Cartman’s help in exacting revenge. It’s an honest and funny look at how far parents may go to deceive their children on the consequences of marijuana use. It even features one of my favorite scenes in the show’s history when Stan tries to prove his parents are tricking him.
8. SCOTT TENORMAN MUST DIE (Season 5)
“Mmm, your tears are so yummy and sweet!”
This is the episode where Cartman, once merely an annoying, racist fat kid, becomes the psychopathic menace we all know and… well, the psychopathic menace we all know. Feeling ripped off after being tricked into buying pubes, Cartman seeks to get revenge on his bully, Scott Tenorman. It’s a classic cat-and-mouse story with a shocking Titus Andronicus-esque twist.
7. MAKE LOVE, NOT WARCRAFT (Season 10)
“Gentlemen, this could very well lead to the end of the world… of warcraft.”
When the boys discover a high-level player killing other players in the online game World of Warcraft, they play the game 24/7 to level up enough to stop him once and for all. I know very little about the MMORPG, but the episode’s storytelling and journey at its core— underdogs risking their lives to take down a bully— are both empowering and hilarious.
6. SOUTH PARK IS GAY! (Season 7)
“I’m, like, a quarter bi. My grandpa was bi, so that makes me quarter bi.”
Much like the title suggests, South Park is in its metrosexual era, and everyone is trying to act as gay as possible… except Kyle, who doesn’t quite feel like himself with this new fad. He believes Queer Eye is to blame, and teams up with his gay teacher, Mr. Garrison, to put an end to metrosexuality once and for all. Mr. Garrison is aggrieved by these straight men appropriating gay culture, but the men of South Park deem their new detractors “metrophobic.” The episode features one of the absolute silliest third act twists I’ve ever seen: that the Queer Eye cast is actually made up of CRAB PEOPLE!
5. THE RING (Season 13)
Kenny and his new girlfriend decide to begin wearing purity rings after being influenced by the Jonas Brothers. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman set out to free Kenny from this cockblocker of a ring by confronting the Jonas Brothers’ ruthless boss— Mickey Mouse— who rules his magic kingdom with an iron fist. The episode takes aim at Disney, the Jonas Brothers, and the hypocrisy of sex symbols can sell a chaste Christian ideology.
4. AWESOM-O (Season 8)
“Hey there, have you heard about my robot friend?”
Cartman has done some truly heinous, vile acts over the course of 26 seasons, but perhaps his most tame practical joke was pretending to be a robot friend named AWESOM-O to find out some of Butters’ secrets. Butters does confide in his new robot friend, but the plan backfires spectacularly as Cartman is forced to stay in his cardboard box robot costume 24/7. Soon, this very clearly fake robot attracts the attention of Hollywood and the U.S. Army, the latter of which sees AWESOM-O as a secret weapon.
3. WOODLAND CRITTER CHRISTMAS (Season 8)
“Hail, Satan!”
Despite the episode’s name (and the cute screencap included), Woodland Critter Christmas is one of the darkest, most fucked up episodes of the series. Featuring a rhyming narration a la Dr. Seuss or The Grinch, the episode follows Stan as he agrees to help a group of cute, talking woodland animals with the arrival of their Savoir on Christmas, not realizing that the cute and cuddly animals worship Satan and their savoir is the Antichrist. What transpires is not safe for work, but then again, is anything on this list?
2. MARJORINE (Season 9)
“Well, I'm just a typical little girl. I like dancin', and ponies, a-a-and... getting my snootch pounded on Friday nights.”
The boys discover that the girls have a future-telling device (a paper fortune teller) and are hellbent on getting it. They make Butters fake his death and adopt a new female identity, “Marjorine,” to infiltrate a slumber party and steal the “weapon.” Creators Stone and Parker do not enjoy Marjorine, citing its many ideas cobbled together into 22 minutes, but that’s precisely what makes her special. Marjorine is a laugh-out-loud masterpiece that skewers spy thrillers, gender, and Pet Sematary.
1. CHINPOKOMON (Season 3)
“Try to bomb the harbor!”
When Pokémon landed in the United States in 1998, it became an instant cultural phenomenon— so, obviously, South Park needed to weigh in. The kids in town become obsessed with a popular Japanese toy and cartoon series (called Chinpokomon), which ultimately brainwashes them into turning against the United States government. The silly nature of children’s trends and American parents’ paranoia are the major areas for satire, but the big kicker here is the notion that American men will put up with anything as long as you tell them how big their penis is.
Note: my ranking of these 10 episodes is constantly changing— this is a reflection of how I feel today.
South Park is currently streaming on Max, with certain specials exclusive to Paramount+. The feature film is available to stream for free on Pluto TV.